Clarity - Now I am Scared

I doubt my level of sanity although I have never felt saner. I feel as though I know every step of the way. Well, if not every step at least enough steps to make my mind feel blown away.

I feel like the cobwebs in my head have been cleared. It's as though the housekeeper has returned from a very long vacation, only to have found the house he left in good order is now covered in dust and cobwebs. And that the house owners are frozen in time but yet moving at the speed of a turtle on land.

I can see through most of the clutter now, and a plan is forming in my head, the direction I should go is clearer than it’s ever been. The haze that covered the road is gradually lifting. I no longer have to stumble into all the obstacles that I could hardly see but could only touch to feel my way through.

I feel all I desire and wish to be are at my finger tips and all that's necessary is for me to stretch out my hands and reach it. Yet stretching out my hands as easy as it seems, takes a lot more work that it should. Apparently like the masters in the house I was frozen. Slowly and painstakingly I stretch out my fingers, my wrist, and my arm to reach for the ripened fruits of my hope, that's hanging on destiny's tree waiting for me to make the effort. As I stretch I realize there's nothing to stretch, I am armless, feeling neither the ripened succulent fruits nor the pain of failing to reach it.

Apparently, I had been stifled and cut off by my own choices, choices that had created too heavy a burden for my mind to bear. My mind had become clogged as I struggled too hard to do it on my own.

Now I am scared that like all the other times that I have experienced brief moments of clarity, that I may return to the dusty and web coated state.

Although, this time it feels a bit different, as though it would last forever but no longer do I feel it necessary to depend solely on me.