Mid-Night Adventure

Its 20 minutes past mid-night, when I wake up from my early to bed sleep.

I realize that I had slept off while trying to work on some presentation that’s 3 days due. However, I decide to get up because I had left my dinner plate by my bed (don’t judge me; you also do it sometimes). Hence I decide that like the self-respecting gentleman I am to take my plate to the kitchen (there’s no need to invite cockroaches or any of those funny insects), where I abandon it to wash till the day rows in (it’s in the middle of the night, you seriously don’t expect me to be washing plates at such an ungodly hour, do you, I thought so).  I am heading back to my room when I realise that the clothes rack left to dry at the back veranda wasn't brought in, and seeing as I  believe I am the last person to have hung my clothes I decide to bring it in.

On opening the door, I think I see a black object but I dismiss it. I go on to open the door wide and carry in the clothes rack. That’s when I see it, a black rat, which jets in. I close the door quickly but too late, the deed has been done.  My first hope is that imagined what I just saw but after checking the hope vanishes.

The back door leads to the dining which is where the rat is. The dining is connected to the sitting room, where my brother had chosen to sleep in. I quickly close the connecting doors to the bedrooms and the 

kitchen.

I stand on a chair, scared by the thought that the rat could climb on me (yes, I am scared of rats, aren’t you), I quickly assess my situation, I have no weapons (broom, long stick, anything) to chase or kill the rat. Scratch out that last bit of killing it, my mind can’t reconcile killing something that has blood coursing through its body.

I finally use a part of my brother’s laptop charger and chase the rat around for a bit achieving nothing, only getting it to hide under the fridge in the dining. At this point I decide to wake my brother, who has otherwise been having a seemingly good sleep. I had thought that I would have been able to do it on my own and had wanted to avoid having to explain how it got in.

He is initially hesitant to get up, saying that we should just set poison for it tomorrow morning, but I convince him that I have it blocked and it was best not to chance it (of course, I purposely leave out the bit that I was the one that caused it to enter) . He finally gets up and goes into the store which is connected through the kitchen door to arm himself with a broom and an insecticide which proves quite helpful.

My brother cannot see the rat and I begin to hope once more that it was all in my mind but with help of the insecticide he eventually gets it to leave its hiding place under the fridge to the window curtains.

All this time, mind you I had been jumping from chair to chair, which I am now forced to get down from, as we clear the chairs and table and lift up the window curtain, leaving it with no places to hide. We chase it out the back door that’s connected to the veranda.

Dear rat, 

I had thought of going down the route of live and let live, don’t disturb me and I won’t disturb you, which would have made me and you living buddies. But I realized that I wasn't paying rent and working my  off ass to let some rodent like you live off my resources, especially when I know that we won’t be able to come up with a mutually agreeable living arrangement, knowing fully well that even if we did my other siblings would not see eye to eye with me on that.

Wait till Tomorrow

Can you hear and smell the sound of coming rain? Which makes the night most peaceful for sleep, the night rain is what engine oil is to cars, it keeps the engine running effectively. No need waking up in the morning feeling all grumpy. Do you know that unknown studies show that the rain facilitates the best dreams and visions?

Let's wait till tomorrow to study for that test in the afternoon after all, the worst case scenario is that we will flunk the test but the exam is what truly matters, it is when most of the marks are at stake.

Let's wait till tomorrow to work on that business plan, with this rain we will have a much better and well thought through idea by the morning. Bring a flash drive to copy that movie I have been telling you about, by the time you wake up we will have a killer business plan that those investors will be falling over to be a part of. I can assure you that unlike drugs and alcohol that are said to be a bad combination; a rainy night with a brilliant movie makes for very good sleep. Na only you waka come, is it not in the night, the night was made for sleep, did you not already do enough work during the day. You are still young, you have a lot of years ahead, and by the way don't you know that one of those studies off the internet says that you need a minimum of 9 hours sleep especially for a bright and budding man like you.

Ehen now! I have checked the weather forecast and I know it will be bright and sunny tomorrow, or are you a learner and don't know that after the night rain, the sun comes with its fiery heat. Wait will tomorrow to prepare for that lecture and presentation. By tomorrow our minds will refreshed and bodies receptive to present our project to the panel and more attentive to listen to some of what those boring old lecturers have to say.

You seem like a sharp lady, shebi I have told you that I have checked the weather forecast, don't you know that's how they do it in all those developed countries that you want to go and work in, their schedule is dependent on the weather, sharpen your eyes now before you disgrace your people at home when you get there.

That saying goes 'we are the leaders of tomorrow', so what's even the hurry, its tomorrow not today, tomorrow. You are saying you need to prepare for tomorrow but don't you know luck's on your side, (pst pst, low voice, how do you think a certain leader got there).

Waiting till tomorrow, often brings disappointment, and self-loathing about haven’t been unable to resist that feeling to rest a while longer when there's something very important you should be doing.  Ask yourself is it procrastination making that call or is that inner voice telling you to be calm for everything will truly be alright. Each time you want to procrastinate, always remember that never leave till tomorrow what you can today.

Dream Me a Vice

They told me it was alright to dream. That dreaming was all a part of the human experience. They said that dreaming kept us alive, it kept us hoping for a brighter future. They told me that many people had dreams and they didn't necessarily have to have a tangible meaning. That I should accept dreaming like each breath I took, a subconscious action I could not do without and one that I could go on doing without putting much thought into it.

So I began to dream. I dreamt just of the sun rise and its setting, its resplendent light giving joy to many. I dreamt of the moon and the stars ever shining in the dark night. Soon my dreams were no longer about the mundane but began to feature me as the main character. A character ever evolving and changing with every dream, a character who knew all the best lines, the best way forward, the greatest strategies, the fixer, the action hero.

I waited every morning for night, the night time that came with dreams, fantasies and wonders of me being prince, king and president. I chose never to miss it. I watched movies and read novels so that I could re-enact my own versions, where I was the good guy, the super hero, the star of attention.

When people spoke of vices, I could speak of none. When they shared experiences of drinking, womanizing, or getting high, I couldn't trade my own tales of who I fought last night, or the look alike of that popular female actress whom I had rescued the night before.
I couldn't connect with their vices and didn't seem to understand why they chose things so destructive. Before long I found out that I too could get wrecked by my dreams, my weakness that I refused to acknowledge.

So I lied to myself to keep up the habit. I began to research not how to break the love for the dream, but how to separate sleep from dreaming. After all. I told myself, my vice wasn't in the dream but in the sleeping. The dream was the end result I craved and the sleep was the unnecessary process that could get me there, it was also the true vice that could lead to my end. So why not separate the process from the end result? It was like trying to separate drugs from the feeling of being on top of the world that it brings with it, a fool's errand I knew it was, even before I began, but I refused to acknowledge it for what it was, a Vice.

We refuse to acknowledge them for what they are: bad habits, trivial defects, shortcomings that could lead to our downfall even when we know what they are we ignore them, lying to ourselves and putting a positive spin on them. Vices spread beyond the obvious three (smoking, drinking, drugs) they are things we indulge in and spend far too much time doing rather than concentrating on goal achieving actions: gossiping like the world is coming to end, shopping till you go broke, borrowing like your life depends on it, and sleeping like a bear in winter. Acknowledge your bad habits for what they are, vices, that need to be broken, or choose to live life in the shadow of your true potential.

A bit of Jibber Jabber on Conscience

Shoot the angel called Conscience,
It’s probably time to let it go.
It’s a sign of weakness,
Don't be too afraid to become a douche bag, welcome it, and embrace it.
Imagine that the fence is collapsing and you have to jump to a side, pick a side quick!

Stop trying to master the artistry of fence sitting.
Jump off the wall.
The executive position of the right winged fence sitter is already taken and the line of potential successors is way too long.
Run all the algorithms in your head,
Analyse what you may but know that you have to jump to one side; either that or you crumble with the wall.

Even as I type I can still hear the Conscience alarm going off in my head.
Let me go I beg of it,
Although I get rid of it this time,
It most likely would come alive at the next opportunity.
Except I slowly starve my Conscience out, until it has no voice

I type this text in a moment of frenzy, moments of quick escape from my Conscience
I can already hear the alarm sounding closer like the siren of an emergency truck, (Note: not a police truck)
To revive the Conscience, take it through CPR, and get it back on its feet.
The Conscience paramedics would succeed this time,
But if my hunger strike is successful, less often would the alerts go off.
I know that before I post this text the Conscience alert would sound again, hoping to deter my actions.
If you never see these texts know that my Conscience succeeded.
While I debated too long allowing it to creep in and take root, giving me the impression that it had always existed, Existed from time memorial.

For the sake of my Conscience, it’s time to make excuses.
This is to them, the people that the Nigerian masses put there trust in, what has become of your Conscience?
Were you that successful in starving your Conscience?
If so please teach us how, so that we will be resistant to its call, barricade ourselves against its sirens and whistles.
So that when you come calling in a few months we would think with our heads and not our hearts.
We would not listen to your contorted tales of Shoes and No Shoes.
We would pick right for ourselves, nodding in acknowledgement two months down the line that we made the right choice.
That we would not turn our revolt to a carnival and not back down by the soldiers and sentries you throw into the works.
That we ourselves will be able to turn up the alerts of corruption, and tune up to work harder, and ring up the bells against poor services.
So that we can become douche bags to you when you come with your promises and oaths. 

Rather than pandering up to you, hat in hand.

My Two Cents on the LGBT Issue (in simple language)

I had initially though not to comment on the current happenings regarding the passing into law of the bill against LGBT’s (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) by President Goodluck Jonathan. However, something came to mind which resulted from the way CNN reported the story when it first broke out (their tagging of the man they interviewed from the streets as a Nigerian musician got me quite rattled at that point in time, especially when you see it from the perspective that musicians are almost like journalists who thrive in communicating the stand point of a majority of the populace), an office discussion and a bit more thought.

The perspective that I had initially played up in my mind is one that resonates with a tweet from Ruggedman (an actual musician) “what is it with this present day govt n sexual matters. Now its gay bill rights? Fix the infrastructure, develop d oncoming generation jare .” I felt there were more important issues on GEJ’s plate than delving into the LGBT issue. So upon second thoughts I looked at it from a different angle, a political angle.

The political angle I see from where I lay at the moment is an angle of diversion and manipulation that takes into focus 2015. 2015 is when the next presidential elections is going to be and President Jonathan is trying to put his ducks in a row,  realizing the relatively short time he has to buy goodwill, especially with the high rate of party switching from PDP (People’s Democratic Party) to APC (All Progressives Congress).  The signing of LGBT into law is a sign that he is making deliberate moves to capture the hearts of voters.

The GEJ camp has realized that the LGBT law is one that they know would garner support from majority of Nigerians. Based on a recent study by the Pew Research Center in 2013, Nigeria seemingly has the highest percentage of people globally against homosexuality i.e. nine-in-ten (98%). This result implies that the passing into law of the LGBT bill would be a point for the GEJ camp, especially as no political party will be able to challenge it. The bill reaching his table already shows that the honorable senators were able to reach an agreement despite their various party differences.

What he has done is to buy himself support from Nigerians and portray himself as a bold leader in the African continent, especially as he’s one of the first African leaders to take a solid stand. He has not so subliminally passed a message to the world that he will stand behind the majority opinion of his people despite the international outcry.

I see this as a strategy from the GEJ camp to use the bill as a substitute for football, which is known to bridge religious and ethnic differences within the Nigerian population. Also, it also appears that this is not the first attempt by the GEJ team to buy support. The other strategy I refer to was a major flop, and involved the renaming of a popular educational institution after a President-elect from South West Nigeria who never got to be President.

The Possible Backlash

With the current reactions by countries like Canada who allegedly asked GEJ to discontinue/postpone his visit is a sign that several more governments could react in a similar or more drastic manner. The question that now stands ahead is if the GEJ team thought through their strategy and are prepared for reactions like this or will succumb to international pressure and ask the Senate to revise the bill, giving room to opposition parties to question his leadership.

However, there’s a high probability he will hold this stand point till 2015 when he hopes to get re-elected, using the law as leverage, then he might chose to remedy the relationship that’s slowly turning into a difficult international issue with countries that support LGBT’s. Except of course he chooses to chart a different path with Nigeria’s foreign policy (which this writer doesn't have in-depth knowledge about) with a country like Russia, which is already known for its resistance to LGBT.